The End (final post)

Well, my summer "sabbatical" has come to an end and I have returned to the workforce. The past 2.5 months have been an interesting time to say the least. I learned a lot about myself and definitely benefited from the break--my massage therapist has never seen my shoulders in such good condition!

Returning to work after having the summer off reminds me a lot of going back to school. Like a good student, I completed my summer reading list, although now the reading is about marketing and social media. As in the past, I have updated my look with key wardrobe additions and a new hair cut--however there are a couple of other cosmetic treatments in the mix now vs when I was actually in school.

Many thanks to those of you who visited my blog--especially those who provided comments and encouragement. While this was my first foray into the blogosphere, it won't be my last--however I will probably take the next semester off as I adjust to my new "school". Here's hoping I don't fall from the monkey bars!

Happy Happy! Joy Joy!

While I haven't been including my job hunt in my previous posts, the fact is that I have been actively looking for a new job during my "sabbatical". Those conversations spanned the country (it definitely seemed like a move to NYC was in my future), but I am happy to say that I have accepted a new role and can stay in San Francisco! Given that I will be launching a new division, there is not much I can share at this time, except that I will be working for a company I respect and with people I both like and admire.

Even better--I am now able to enjoy a few weeks of true relaxation since I don't begin until mid-August and no longer need to worry about finding a job. Maybe I'll be able to understand the concept of funemployment after all...

Funemployment?

Funemployment is described as a a happy time in one's life when one is not employed and is not wanting to be employed. Many news outlets have covered this cultural phenomenon and the various ways that people (usually in their 20's) are enjoying themselves with their sudden free time. Some even talk about this shift in outlook as an indication that American society is developing a healthier view on work and life. While I am doing my best to reconnect with myself and take advantage of this time off, I can't say that I have fully embraced the concept.

Maybe it's my age or my type-A personality, but I cannot deny that part of my self-worth comes from my career. Having graduated college in a recession, I started in the business world with the knowledge that I would have to work my ass off to get ahead. While this approach generates a fair amount of stress, it has also allowed me to achieve a certain level of success. That success has in turn defined how I think about myself.

Little things reinforce the strangeness of my current situation--such as reaching for a business card to exchange with a new acquaintance, only to be realize that for the first time in 16+ years I no longer have one (something rectified the next day thanks to VistaPrint), or going to pick up dry cleaning that isn't ready yet since they are not used to seeing me in the store before 6 pm.

While part of me wishes I was like a friend of mine who is taking this time to travel the world and get out of her comfort zone, the reality is that I actually miss working. I'm beginning to think that employment itself just might be fun enough for me.

I would not have done well in the 1950's

One of the main things that I am trying to adjust to during my time off work is the fact that all of the domestic responsibilities are now falling to me. Normally, my husband and I share this "joy", although it has never really been a true 50/50 division of labor (as I'm sure most women in relationships can agree with), at least there was the attempt to share.

Let me be upfront and acknowledge that my current situation is a cake walk compared to what 95% of women probably deal with. It's only the two of us--no kids, my husband is not even remotely messy, and I still have a cleaning lady that comes in twice a month. That being said, a domestic goddess was never something that I wanted to be. Every feminist bone in my body is fighting this current situation, however even I can see that asking my husband to cook after he comes home from work while I've had the day free lacks of fairness.

I'm trying to keep a sense of humor about the situation as I do the dishes, the laundry, pick up the house, make the bed, grocery shop, drop off/pick up the dry cleaning, etc. As I chat with the old Italian cobbler while having my husband's boots repaired, I see flashes of a life that his grandmother might have lived. While sewing new buttons on one of his suit jackets, I try to think about how lucky I was to have a grandmother who taught me how to sew (well, at least sew a button). When I get a call from my husband that he is on his way home, but skipped lunch that day, episodes of Leave it to Beaver flash through my head as I prepare to have dinner cooked and ready for his arrival.

To be fair, my husband is struggling with this new dynamic as well. The look on his face as I grabbed his hand to show him how I rearranged his closet was priceless. I can see him wondering what has happened to his career-driven wife/partner and know that he is hoping I will return to work soon. That said, I do wonder how much he will miss this current situation, especially the increase in home-cooked meals. Personally, I can't wait to get back to "normal"--my time-travel trip back to the 1950's is getting old.

How can such a small space pack so much drama?

The more time I spend at home, the more projects I need to come up with to fill my time. When you are cleansing yourself of things you don't need, that usually leads you to your closet--no matter how much you try to avoid it.

Like many women I know, my closet holds pieces of clothing in various sizes depending on my weight. Unfortunately, the space dedicated to clothes I can't currently wear is much larger than it should be, therefore I have avoided this particular task for as long as possible.

I used to love to get dressed up in fun dresses and funky takes on classics that reflected my "sassy" personality. For the past few years, I've been limited to shoes and accessories to express myself, as my clothes have defaulted to basics since that's what fits. While I'm the size of the average American woman and can shop at basically any store, I am definitely heavier than I used to be. Therefore, I'm caught in this cycle where I don't want to buy new clothes because I am "going to lose weight", but since I haven't lost the weight I'm wearing things I don't love and don't really feel good in.

While I had lost 10 pounds at the spa, it turns out that when you actually put food in your colon some of that weight comes back. I'm still 7 pounds down which is great, but I have a ways to go before I am at my personal ideal weight, which is back to what I was when I met my husband.

Everything they say about how people gain weight once they become part of a couple is true. It did not help that my husband is Italian and when he cooked, it generally meant pasta, which goes really well with wine--I think you can see where this is going. The combination of crazy work hours, a decade worth of carbo-loading, and a generally indulgent personality had led me to this place. No matter how much I wished it, I was not going to reverse things overnight.

The good news is that I am not doing it alone. Turns out my husband is doing a bit of a lifecleanse, too. He quit smoking (finally!) and now wants to run all of the time. The cute couple that indulged together is now the cute couple who runs together. Just don't get me started on the fact that he runs 3x farther than me and eats a salad for lunch and immediately loses weight.

Everything they say about guys losing weight easier than girls is true, too. Ugh.

So now what?

Having returned from my spa getaway, I tried to adjust to being home and not working. After a day or two on my own, I definitely needed something to keep myself occupied, and Facebook can really only account for a couple of hours a day.

In keeping with my lifecleanse concept, I decided that a good project would be to go through the entire apartment and purge everything we didn't need--those items would be joining my friend's yard sale that Sunday.

While I had completed a major purge of our belongings when we moved a year and a half ago, I was amazed by the amount of things I had accumulated since then. In addition to the home decor shifts I had made, I had boxes of media graft from my previous employment. I'm not sure why I thought anything with a media company logo on it fit into my life, but each "present" made it's way home with me nonetheless. That Sunday, two carloads worth of my items joined my friend's on the sidewalk to tempt the farmer's market customers as they passed.

I must say, yard sales allow for interesting glimpses into human psychology (or maybe just mine). While my items were no longer needed and whatever didn't sell would be taken directly to goodwill, my ego had a hard time dealing with some of the "offers" that people made. As someone who prides herself on her decorating skills, it took me a bit to get passed the fact that people did not value my taste/style choices as much as I did--especially given the huge discounts I was offering. Once I got over that issue, I actually had fun negotiating with the variety of people who stopped by to find treasure in my trash. In the end, I made some money and left with one box headed to goodwill and one item to post on Craigslist. House cleanse complete.

Turning point

Before the car picked me up to return to San Francisco, I took a walk around the spa's labyrinth. Labyrinths are thought of as a symbolic form of pilgrimage; where you walk the path, ascending toward enlightenment. As you walk among the turnings, you lose track of direction and the outside world, and this quiets the mind.

My week at WeCare did start me out on my path toward enlightenment and I was physically leaving 10 lbs lighter than I arrived. Armed with a salad for the plane, a freshly cleaned colon and some clarity about a few changes I wanted to make in my life, I felt calmer than I had in a long time. However, as I headed back to the outside world, I can't say my mind was completely quiet.

Time to think

I realized after a few days that it had been a long time since I was truly alone with my thoughts. As an only child, I grew up very comfortable with the idea (and fact) of being by myself. As an adult, I always lived alone (with the exception of 1 semester in college) until I met my husband 10 years ago. Even now, I can vividly recall how alien it felt to share my space when we first moved in with each other. Therefore, it was rather startling to realize 13 years had passed since I had taken a solo vacation and it was no longer easy just to be by myself.

I distracted myself by reading magazines, then a book, then making lists about the things I wanted to do/change after I left the spa (did I mention I was type-A?)--anything to avoid truly thinking about what I really felt or wanted out of my life.

I can't say I solved it all in one spa week, but some things became clear:

• I needed to prioritize my health and fitness, not just my work. While I will always be motivated by career success, I absolutely need to put my health higher up on the list.
• I wanted more depth in my relationships. I realized that while there are a lot of people who know me, they don't really know me, or vice-versa. I'm not saying that every current acquaintance will cross over into true friendship, however there are some people that I have begun to get to know over the past 5 years that I would really like to know better--I just hadn't made the time.
• I needed to relax about things more. I'm what one would call a "planner" and my tendency toward perfectionism (while usually directed at myself) doesn't always allow me just to take things as they come.
• While I was not sure what my next career move would be, I would like to try to attain the ever-elusive "work/life balance".

Like I said, I didn't solve everything in one spa week, but it was a start...

Ahhhhhhh...

Suffice to say, I adjusted to the spa experience pretty easily and quickly settled into a routine as follows:

Get up around 7 or 8.
Make drink, shower, etc.
Pick spot to read, make another drink or 2.
Yoga at 11.
Drink.
Colonic around 1.
Drink.
Yoga again around 2 or 2:30.
Drink.
Spa treat (4 out of 5 days).
Drink.
Relax/read/write in journal/nap.
Drink.
Infrared sauna.
Drink.
Vibration machine.
Drink.
Watch sunset from floating bed.
Drink.
Swim in pool.
Drink.
Hot tub.
Drink.
Watch TV/read before bed around 11.
Repeat.

While the above routine was clearly not strenuous, the amount of different drinks pretty much meant you were in the kitchen every hour. It was also hard to not become obsessed with the status of your bowel movements given that your schedule was primarily determined by when you got your colonic. Let's just say it was best to leave some time after the treatment to ensure that your colon was finished cleansing. The obsession with bowel movements was further enhanced by the option for you to see what is coming out of you via a clear tube during your colonic treatment. Yes, I looked. Yes, it is gross.

I really enjoyed getting back into yoga again, even if it was completely humbling to see the 70+ year-old spa owner able to move around much easier than I was able to. Stress and computer work had jacked my back so bad that I had to schedule a deep tissue massage to loosen me up enough to be able to do the yoga moves. Scary.

I did branch out to try one of the more spiritually-oriented sessions on meditation and breathwork. While the act of breathing and taking time out to meditate during your day is something that I fully support, the instructor was a bit too much for me. It probably didn't help that he started the group by saying that some of you are very closed and may not get much out of the session while looking right at me! Fully chastened, I was trying to be more "open" when he asked the woman next to me what she hoped to get out of the session. His response to her answer of "tap into my creativity" was "go bigger, whatever it is you are working on, go bigger--if it is a painting, do a mural, a sculpture, go 10X bigger". When I heard her whisper under her breath "how to I do that with a screenplay?", I admittedly became a bit closed again.

While I did not miss solid food, caffeine or alcohol, I am taking a new addiction away with me--the floating bed, pictured at the beginning of this post. I officially bogarted the floating bed for the week. It is heaven, and the first thing I will put into my backyard if we ever buy a house.

First impressions

Having never been to the Palm Desert area before, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it. The spa was a mini oasis with it's combination of plants and water features. And the 100 degree "dry heat" wrapped around my body like a comforting blanket.

While I had come to spend time with myself, there were other people who were choosing to not eat for a week or longer as well including:

The Los Angeles cliches-

• The male chauvinist constantly on his cell phone by the pool making "deals", talking about his money and using the spa staff as his personal office assistants.

• The name-dropping, status seeking, very blond girl with dyed eyebrows, eyelashes and lips who usually goes to the Ashram, but didn't feel up to it this year, and thought a week long fast would be easier. This is the same girl who when asked in class "how often she does yoga" launched into a 10 minute speech about how early she has to show up to the very popular and celebrity-ridden yoga class in LA just to get a space because that class/instructor is so "fabulous".
  
• The newly joined couple who met via their shared therapist and spent most of their time away from the spa shopping and going to movies. Given that everyone else's energy levels dipped during the fast and theirs remained at a constant hyper level throughout their stay, I am of the belief that they were taking additional "supplements".
  

The anorexics-

• Girls so tiny that I absolutely do not understand how anyone approved them for a week-long fast. Their bones literally rattled when they stepped on the vibration machines.

The crunchy-granolas-

• Perfectly nice, but a much more into the spiritual side of the spa offering than I was. These are the people who lined up to attend sessions such as "Balance and the Medicine Wheel" and "Sacred Healing".
  

The cancer survivors-

• These women had all just come through harrowing experiences and were now re-starting their health regimens with a stay at the spa. While their stories were inspiring and their outlooks great, I did not spend that much time getting to know them since having lost my Grandmother the month prior to cancer, I just wasn't into discussing the disease over and over again like they were.

The loners-

• This is the group that most aligned with. We were perfectly happy to say "hi" in passing, but generally kept to ourselves during our stay.

All of us were here for our own reasons, and all of us would (hopefully) take away what we needed from our stay.

Let the cleansing begin!

As the blog title indicates, I am using my "sabbatical" in order to cleanse my life of it's various toxins and stress. The first part of my cleansing began at the We Care Spa in the Desert Hot Springs.

We Care bills themselves as "a holistic fasting and spirtual retreat, providing unique programs designed for personal transformation, enahancing body, mind and spirit in a serene desert oasis." What that actually means is that I would not eat solid food for a week, would "enjoy" daily colon hydrotherapy (for those who are curious about this, here's a link--en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colon_hydrotherapy --I will spare everyone else the details), and I would relax in the 100 degrees that is typical for the desert in June.

In preparation for the cleanse, I did not have any alcohol, caffeine, or food other than fresh fruits/veggies for 2 days prior to my arrival. Once I arrived at the spa on Sunday 5/31, I was handed a coffee cup and a water bottle with my name written on them. Each day, I made my own drinks as follows:

Daily Menu
Drink 1: Acidophilus pill (a good bacteria) with a cup of water
Drink 2: 2 enzyme pills (to digest food residues) with a cup of water
Drink 3: 1 tsp barley greens (for energy) mixed with a cup of water
Drink 4: Detox drink (also known as an intestinal cleanser) made as follows:

• 1 oz organic apple juice
• 20 drops of minerals
• 2 tsp detox drink powder
• mix above to make a smooth paste
• fill remainder of 8 oz cup with water and mix
• DRINK QUICKLY as it tends to solidify =)
  
• follow with 1 cup of water and a fiber regulator pill (a natural laxative)

Drink 5: Energy tea
Drink 6: Lemon water (this is enjoyed throughout the day)
Drink 7: 1 cup of organic vegetable juice (your choice of carrot/beet or a green one)
Drink 8: 1 cup of blood purifier tea (can be enjoyed throughout the day)
Drink 9: 1 cup of liver kidney tea (can also be enjoyed throughout the day)
Drink 10: 3 powergreen pills (for energy) with a cup of water
Drink 11: Another quasi-solid detox drink (see #4)
Drink 12: 1 cup of organic vegetable soup taken with 2 enzyme pills (also known as "dinner")
Drink 13: 3-5 oz of aloe vera juice (a digestive tonic and mild laxative)
Drink 14: 1 fiber regulator pill (to stimulate the intestine) with water before bed

My first thought was that it was going to be a very long week!

How I got here

While the date stamp on the first post is 7/5/09, the impetus for my life cleanse actually happened a few months ago. My "sabbatical" was not technically planned, but clearly needed more than I realized at the time.

A sabbatical is described as any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc. Mine was forced on me due to an agency consolidation that closed an office of 50 people, me included. While it was sad to leave a group of people that I truly enjoyed working with and had come to care for over the past five years, it is only after a month's time that I can say the forced change was very much needed.

All work is stressful, but as a type-A personality who put work before many other things, after 5 years of a particularly demanding account the stress was bleeding over into all aspects of my life. My generally witty (some might say sarcastic) personality had tipped over to the bitchy side. My eating habits had turned from nibbling on the lovely calorie-laden treats delivered to the office to full-on inhaling, and my days of having a cocktail were becoming more the norm than I cared to admit. The outpouring of support that we received from the media community once the news hit is something that I will always appreciate and hold dear. However, in typical fashion, the support corresponded to quite a beverage binge during the month of May!

Thus, I began my sabbatical on the 29th of May feeling heavy in every sense of the word.